Hi! I'm Lily and I am proud to say that I love my body. My journey to body confidence has been an absolute rollercoaster. From my awkward teenage years, to focusing on getting fit and healthy, to having a baby and feeling so self-conscious all over again, it's been a rocky road with lofty high's and soul crushing lows. But, while I am no Kate Moss, I am in a good place right now and it's all down to one thing: accepting my body exactly as it is.
The Awkward Teen Stage
Growing up I was a real tomboy. I had short hair (and not a cute pixie, thanks Mum and Dad), no idea about clothes and never wore makeup. I had plenty of friends, but still found myself on the receiving end of 'ugly' and 'fat' comments on the regular. Kids can be mean! But the icing on the cake was when I was looking through our family albums, found the photo below and showed it to my mum. Our conversation went something like this:
Me: Mum, why didn't you ever tell me that I looked like a boy?
Mum: That's not you, that's Jesse.
Fact: Jesse is my older brother.
Fact: Jesse was standing next to me in the photo.
Thanks again Mum!
On a definitely-related note, this was about the time I started to make more of an effort with my appearance. I started experimenting with make up and bought more feminine clothes. I didn't want to look like a barbie doll, but I didn't want to look like a boy anymore either. I just wanted to stop being the fat, ugly tomboy.
Getting Healthy
In 2011, I packed my bags and headed to New Zealand to study for six months. I lived in a typical flat with typical uni students and did typical uni student things. For the first few months I drank too much alcohol (they sell it in the supermarkets!), ate too much junk and did not look after myself at all. Then one of my 'friends' started calling me Jupiter*. As it turns out, adults can be pretty mean too.
My new nickname was the catalyst I needed to get my arse into gear and start caring for my body. I started eating less chocolate, drinking water between my vodkas and working out. I was so unfit that I cried the first time I did yoga. Then again, I probably shouldn't have started with an intermediate course.
It took me five months but I lost 15 kilograms. For the first time ever I had abs (of steel, just ask me). I was strong and I loved it.
But it wasn't enough. I was always wanting to be thinner, for my thighs to stop rubbing together, for my bum to wobble a little less. I was the fittest I had ever been and although I felt it was a major improvement from the old, overweight me, I still didn't love my body.
Pregnancy, tiger stripes and post-baby weight
I loved being pregnant, but holy moly I was not ready for the havoc that having a baby would wreak on my body. I loved the clear skin that came with the extra hormones, but was not such a fan of the itchy skin, stretch marks and gigantic boobs (I was a G cup beforehand and that was more than enough, thank you very much!)
Once baby E arrived, it got worse. The skin that had been so stretched was now saggy and covered in stripes and the abs I had been so proud of were nowhere to be seen. I hated it. I started exercising again after six weeks and regularly pushed myself to the point of throwing up. I wanted my body back and I would have done anything to get it.
One day I almost passed out from exhaustion after a particularly tough workout in 40 degree heat. It was messed up.
It was pretty clear to me after that that something had to change. I might have been seeing smaller numbers on the scales, but I wasn't getting any happier**.
So I decided that instead of running myself ragged on the treadmill, I would try changing the way I thought. Instead of thinking about what I wanted to change with my body, I started appreciating the things I like about it. For example, instead of thinking about how my bum wobbles a bit when I walk, I think about how I love my smile and my really expensive, straight teeth. Instead of thinking about how my thighs get stuck together when it's hot, I think about how I have pretty eyes and 20/20 vision. And instead of thinking about how my stomach is covered in stretch marks, I think about how my body created a gorgeous little human and those marks are my proof that my body is freaking amazing.
I honestly think that loving your body is all about what's in your head, rather than what you can see in the mirror. No matter what size/how fit/how healthy you are, you've got to make the effort to appreciate what yo mama gave you. Accept your body exactly as it is and love it exactly as it is, because girl, you are beautiful.
*We're no longer friends.
**I now exercise to feel good, rather than to lose weight.
Going forward I will be sharing all things hair, beauty and health. We'll chat about amazing products to take away with you, quick and easy hair styles that anyone can do (trust me, if I can, you can!) and beauty and make up tips to keep you looking your absolute best. If you have any questions you would like me to answer, you can email me at or get in touch with the ladies here at Sequins and Sand. We love answering them so don't be shy!
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Lily is a mama, lip gloss lover and the voice behind Beholder - a blog about living your best life. She believes there is beauty in everything and everyone and strives to live as happily as possible.
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